Here are some Rambo statistics. Clearly the upcoming instalment is going to be the best - because we all know that kills per minute is the only indicator of quality when it comes to action flicks.
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DO NOT READ IF EASILY OFFENDED OR FROM ESSEX
An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
“How many children?” asks the council worker.
“10″ replies the Essex girl.
“10?” says the council worker. “What are their names?”
“Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne.”
“Doesn’t that get confusing?”
“Naah…” says the Essex girl “its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER’S READY, or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it…”
“What if you want to speak to one individually?” says the perturbed council worker.
“That’s easy,” says the Essex girl… “I just use their surnames.”
An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter.
“I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress.” she says.
“Come again?” says the clerk, cupping his ear.
“No” she replies. “This time it’s mayonnaise.”
Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says “Choose from our range on the wall.”
She says “I’ll take the red one.”
The man replies “That’s a fire extinguisher.”
An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: “It’s OK I’m a paramedic and I’m going to ask you some questions?”
Girl: “OK”
Medic: “What’s your name?”
Girl: ” Sharon .”
Medic: “OK Sharon , is this your car?”
Sharon : “Yes.”
Medic: “Where are you bleeding from?”
Sharon : “Romford, mate.”
An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, “Treacle, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!”
“It’s not just one car!” said the Essex girl, “There’s f*cking hundreds of them!”
Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there’s Blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she’s lying flat out on the ground.
Medic: “OK, I’m going to check if you’re concussed.”
Sharon : “Ok.”
Medic: “How many fingers am I putting up?”
Sharon : “Oh my god, I’m paralysed from the waist down!”
An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing. She says, “Scuse me mate, I ain’t being funny or nuffink, but why doz one of your wellies ‘ave an L on it and the uva one’s got an R on it?”
The Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, “Well, I’m a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me right foot and the one wit the L is for me Left foot”
“Cor blimey”, exclaims the Essex girl, “So THATS why me knickers ‘ave got C&A on them!”
I kinda enjoyed Friends when it was on, but you're forced to admit that the plotlines were absurdly banal when you watch their dialogue mouthed by Wonder Woman and Aqua Man. This mashup is pretty funny, but don't these superheroes have something better to do?
It's like MySpace: AT&T wants to look popular, so they maintain a long email list of "friends," whom they never correspond with. It's so tenth grade.
Nothing makes me happier than to see equality between the sexes. I prefer to see women having access to social and political positions of power, but I get the occasional twinge of pleasure from seeing men suffer for beauty as women have done for centuries. Example: the trend purportedly spawned by sexy beast David Beckham in his Emporio Armani ads whereby normal dudes are waxing their personal business completely bald. That's right, I'm talking the male version of the Brazilian: the Boyzilian. Awesome. (For the record, it grosses me out.)
In case you've been hiding under a rock like I have, the object of Rock of Love With Bret Michaels is to win a date with the front man of once-hot metal band Poison. The chicks competing for this thing are scary. Even scarier, though, are their opponents in this episode. The ladies of Rock of Love are supposed to prove their maternal instincts by protecting a baby-doll replica of Bret he calls "Baby Bret" during a roller-derby competition with the LA Derby Dolls. Wow — reality television gets weirder by the minute.
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Tom Cruise's creepy-ass Scientology video has finally been made comprehensible. By cats, naturally! I can has captions cat-tions? Yes, you can!
Word on the street is that the New Kids on the Block are staging a reunion. They made it big in the '80s, so they're not exactly new anymore; and Jonathan, Joey, Jordan, Danny, and Donnie are pushing 40, so they're hardly kids, either. What do you think they should call themselves instead?
Back in the day, these two got plenty of action. Which mega rock stars didn't? But aging hasn't been kind to these two. If you had to, which leering, aging rock star would you choose?
Giggle's often accused of being cat-centric. Well, I'm seeking to rectify that. And what better way than to give you a baby Corgi doing nothing but being heart-breakingly cute? Mondays suck, no doubt about it. Perhaps this little guy will soften the blow. . .
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var so = new SWFObject('http://gigglesugar.com/modules/spi_video/flvplayer.swf','mpl','425','350','7'); so.addParam('allowfullscreen','true'); so.addVariable("file",'993933.flv'); so.addVariable('height','350'); so.addVariable('image','http://images.teamsugar.com/media/cooked/thumbs/993933.jpg'); so.addVariable('width','425'); so.write('player');Alaska here is tired of being indoors and does not wanna go back inside. Why must she repeat herself again and again? When a cat says meow no, a cat means meow no. Now you're blocking the sun; can you be gone already?
"I don't know why the humans have left me to fend for myself against this robot. But I will give it my all. Oh, wait, is that them filming this while I fret and freak out? Bastards!"
"I don't know why the humans have left me to fend for myself against this robot. But I will give it my all. Oh, wait, is that them filming this while I fret and freak out? Bastards!"
