Spider Swarm
Imagine you woke up in the morning and saw this right above you. A spider swarm!
World’s Biggest
WORLD’S HIGHEST STATUE…………….BRAZIL
WORLD’S TALLEST BUILDING ……… DUBAI
WORLD’S LARGEST PALACE ………………….ROMANIA
WORLD’S BIGGEST STADIUM ……….BRAZIL
MOST COMPLEX INTER-CHANGE ……… TEXAS
WORLD’S BIGGEST EXCAVATOR
WORLD’S WIDEST BRIDGE ……… AUSTRALIA
WORLD’S LONGEST BRIDGE …………… CHINA
WORLD’S BIGGEST PASSENGER-SHIP
An Australian Salesman
A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.
The manager asked “Do you have any sales experience?”
The young man answered “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.”
The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, “OK, so how many sales did you make today?”
The Aussie said “One!”
The manager groaned and continued, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?”
“£ 124,237.64. pounds”
The manager choked and exclaimed 124,237.64 POUNDS!! What the hell did you sell him?”
“Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki”.
The manager, incredulous, said “You mean to tell me….a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4×4?”
“No no no……he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said……… ‘Well, since your weekend’s buggered, you might as well go fishing.”
Two ladies talking in heaven
1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I’m Kelly, how’d you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere,
and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer —– we’d both still be alive.
An Off-the-Cuff Knock-Knock Joke
We have a couple of cutie comedians in the house, but there's just one problem: they have no clue how off-color their punchline is. At least, I hope they don't.
Star-Studded BMW Commercial Is a Big Buzzkill
This BMW dealer wanted to avoid looking like every other low-budget ad, so he got a few professional athletes to step in as his spokesmen. But hockey players are trained to work the ice rink, not the camera. Throwing some free fried chicken into the deal would have done a better job of getting people's attention.
Bird Craps Into Reporter’s Mouth: Advertising Genius!
By now, we've all seen the vid of a bird taking a surprise crap on a reporter in the middle of a live news broadcast. It was the talk of the net last week, but there's a new development in the story. Was this really the accident it seemed to be, or was it the work of a couple of marketing gurus? The makers of "Frumondah soda" are taking all the cred for this "real fake thing that sells a real product," and they have the full commercial to prove it.
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Clearly, this isn't for reals, but considering what all of the "legit" PSAs serve up, it's not too off the mark. The giant talking bar of soap pushes it over the edge, but everything else seems pretty accurate to me, especially the part about apples. An apple a day keeps the germs at play, but nachos are still safe, I'm sure . . .
Flock of Ducks Too Lazy to Take the Stairs
There's no telling how this pack of quackers got into such a sitch, but they seem to be holding their own here. Methinks they're on a Cinnabon run and the food court happens to be one floor up. But hey, they'll waddle wherever to get them some sweets— the stale bread crumbs served down by the pond are getting a little old, you know?
Girl Rocks Out on Organ
It's stuff like this that renews my hope in girlkind. (Yes, it's my made-up word.) If girls would stop dressing like hookers and twirling around stripper poles in their bedrooms while filming themselves on webcams so pervy middle-aged men could get off, they could develop some talent. I mean, a teen playing an epic Kansas tune (Wayward Son) on the organ—unironically? I. Heart. Her.
Dramatic Lemur
The silent film starring Mr. Freaky Lemur just got a soundtrack. He's even freakier than before. . .
Rambo Vs. Rimbaud
I wanna marry the genius that came up with this billboard pitting Rambo, the American bohunk mercenary, and Arthur Rimbaud, the 19th century French Symbolist poet. Their names are pronounced the same, but they couldn't be more different. Or. . .wait. Both are/were poets. Both are/were intense. And both spent some time in the jungle. Dude—this is the kind of revelation drugs were made for. . .
Google Maps Is Evil
This movie should be coming to a theatre near you. This is why I don't do stuff in front of my windows, because Google Maps is evil. Jeepers creepers!
