It's official: The G-rated version of Grand Theft Auto is a hit and Conan's back with more. He maintained the setting and atmosphere of the original game, but tweaked the values and motives of the players — just a bit. The result is quite lovely. Everyone acts with a little more . . . Sense and Sensibility. Now who wouldn't want that?
Someone didn't study The Price Is Right strategy book before appearing on the show. When it came time to participate in the price war, she failed to maximize her bid, and — omigod — she won! She won! She what? Jumped the gun! False alarm everyone. But the game's just begun . . .
Two things I love in a man: a British accent, and the ability to stuff an entire Big Mac in his mouth and swallow it in one bite. (The sad awesome thing is, I could totally do this, too!)
This isn't footage of Siegfried and Roy, nor is this made by Disney (as far as I can tell). It's footage of a lion who was raised as a cub by these two dudes and then was returned into the wild where he socialized with his pride and got on with life. Then his caretakers returned to visit. There is no sound to this, strangely, and it needs no soundtrack. The look of recognition on the lion's face shows his disbelief, then joy, and gratitude. (Man, call me corny, but I teared up at this one. And thanks for the cute title, Flippy!)
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He may be the biggest douche evah, but there's something about Austin Powers that keeps me coming back for more. It sure as hell ain't his oral hygiene, or his Swedish-made penis enlarger (which he denies, denies, denies ever owning), or his insistence on reducing women to infants. It's . . . his middle name. Yeah, baby, yeah!
I have such mixed feelings about this issue. On the one hand, why can't this woman model bikinis on a fishing boat to make extra money on the weekends? (We know school teachers aren't exactly paid a handsome sum.) I mean, what is she supposed to wear, a fur coat? On the other hand, it bugs me that women are still used as sex objects to sell stuff. One thing I don't feel ambivalent about: that the news anchor of this story is a leering douchebag. Should this teacher who moonlighted as a bikini model have been fired?
There are many features to look for in a Xerox copier, but let's be honest, the most important question is: Can it copy your ass? Photocopying your ass on a standard copier results in an "overall compromise of ass clarity," and no one wants that. How does the Xerox Assjet insure quality ass pics? From what I could gather, it's primarily due to the "polyventric form ass bucket." Sweet. (And look how young Will Ferrell is in this!)
It takes guts to use such a beloved icon to advertise a product a lot of people would be embarrassed to buy from the store. Guess what product this ad is for?
Let me get this straight: Someone thought the best way to get kids excited about reading was to have a handful of rapping raisins promote it? "Nature's candy" is more likely to send kids running for the local restroom, not the library. The PSA folks should have employed a handful of break dancing fingers instead. Not only are they more entertaining, I hear they're really good page turners too.
It was her childhood dream to ride into the sunset on horseback with her new spouse.
Who says dreams don't come true?
The heart wants what it wants, as Woody Allen once said. (Pause.) So why can't this cat put a bag on his head and walk around like the cat version of the Unknown Comic? No reason at all. We all need a little privacy from time to time.
Boyfriend visits the beach every day and can't figure out why he never tans . . .
Thanks, College Humor!
Opera music can add sophistication to just about anything, even a slow-mo compilation of peeps making like motor boats, sending their lips flapping in the wind. Motor boat mouth is widely considered a childish thing to do, yet it's still my primary means of winning an argument. But for now: the soundtrack. Enjoy.
