Brown Majik

A headlock. A hug. Same difference.

Thanks, College Humor!

I love how kids don't just let their freak flags fly, they raise them high, whirl them around, wear them as neat-o scarfs, soak them in kool-aid to mop the floors, and in the following vid — throw them down to make a dance floor. And then trip on them. As long as these kiddies have their freak flags, they can party anytime, anywhere, with anyone. Or no one. Whatever works. (Thanks, eBaum's World!)

13 Year Old Steals Dad's Credit Card to Buy Hookers

Oh, kids. They're growing up so fast these days! A 13-year-old Texas boy stole his dad's credit card and hired two prostitutes to hang out with him and his friends (after a $30,000 spending spree.) Police were alerted by a suspicious motel clerk who delivered Dr. Pepper, Fritos and Oreos to the kids and then was asked where they could find some escorts. Apparently, the kids just wanted to play XBox with the ladies of the night. (Latchkey kids aren't what they used to be.) Click here to read more about these future politicians.

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• Why wear one popped collar when you can wear 23 popped collars at once? — Attus Apparel
• What the world needs now: Mean Model Comics! — Zuda Comics
• A class-conscious LOL bunny? Cute! — I Can Has Cheezburger
• Is this the women's version of Borat's banana hammock? Methinks so. — American Apparel
• Did Tay Zonday quit the music biz to become a weatherman? — College Humor
• Try to resist it. Just try. — The Most Clicked Button
• Can you believe this hair-on-the-wall crap? — Passive-Aggressive Notes
• I have no idea what he's saying and he has no idea what he's doing. Good times! — eBaum's World

We're accustomed to seeing their calm and composed on-camera demeanors, but news anchors brought their tempers to the table this week. A vintage vid of Bill O'Reilly ranting and raging surfaced on the net and then Sue Simmons dropped the F-bomb during a recent live broadcast. Is this week's chain of events coincidental, or are these off-air outbursts and temper tantrums the norm? You be the judge.

I watched this intro to the short-lived MC Hammer-inspired superhero cartoon Hammerman (1991 - 1992) like three times just to figure out what the freaking story was. So here goes: Some old dude had superpowers thanks to some special shoes that can talk. He has to retire so he and his granddaughter go out looking for his replacement. (Are you still with me?) They find him, and his name is Stanley. The shoes like Stanley, so he becomes the crime-fighting superhero. (Huh?) With an intro like this, no wonder the show only lasted thirteen episodes! (Thanks, eBaum's World!)

I love the expression, "You buy your ticket, you take your ride." In this case "buying your ticket" involves crawling under a horse's behind, and "taking your ride" means having it sh*t on your head. Or, as the eloquent person who posted this on YouTube put it, "Horse takes a dump on stupid ladys head." What more is there to say, really?

Mom asked for a pair of nunchucks for Mother's Day. It was an odd request and her kids were sure she'd whack herself in the head in no time, but they went ahead and bought her a set — for a good laugh. Upon receiving the pair, she stood up, and used her secret ninja warrior skills to put their snickering to rest. Needless to say, the kids want their gift back. (Thanks, College Humor!)

If there ever was any doubt, it's now been confirmed that Bill O'Reilly has the temperament of a two-year-old. A vid of him blowing a gasket behind the news desk surfaced yesterday and can be found in nearly every corner of the net today. His a-hole outburst has become a viral video success. But Billy boy didn't think we'd let him off the hook that easy, did he? Oh no, there's more. There's the remix.

Where has the book No Regrets: The Best, Worst, & Most #$%*ing Ridiculous Tattoos Ever been my whole life?! Bad tattoos, good tattoos, I want them all! I'm seriously getting this book, and it has a forward by David Cross? The David Cross? Check out the gallery below for some of the doozies featured in the book. (For the record, that bong-smoking dolphin with the tribal tattoo sitting in a tattered recliner is my favorite tattoo of all time.)

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She's a little older, but still straight up bonkers about bananas. You'd think the lady's fruit fetish would have let up by now, but it's only gotten worse. Not only does she sing the praises of her fave fruit, she adds big, beady eyes to its freckled exterior and creates a chorus of mouthless, banana backup singers. I suppose this is why they say life only gets better after age 60. Looks like a good time to me . . .

We posted this a couple months ago, but felt that it was too funny not to bring back for the wedding party week. The tradition of hiring strippers — aka "exotic dancers" — for a bachelor party goes way back, but what does the "exotic" in exotic dancing really mean? These guys find out that it can mean a feminist interpretive dance about childbirth and child loss, complete with a dramatic reading of the lines: "Babies, babies, babies! Mama's milk makes baby better. . ." Now that's how you celebrate your last night as a bachelor! Whoo hoo!

Someone's taking sun protection a little too far. The full-on face visor is fine if you're walking outdoors and don't mind people mistaking you for a robot, but while you're driving? With kids in the backseat? And other people on the road? And windows already so tinted it's a wonder this picture came out at all? Don't do it, people! (Intrepid geeksugar snapped this over the weekend, and it just reinforces my resolve never to drive again.)

Someone's taking sun protection a little too far. The full-on face visor is fine if you're walking outdoors and don't mind people mistaking you for a robot, but while you're driving? With kids in the backseat? And other people on the road? And windows already so tinted it's a wonder this picture came out at all? Don't do it, people! (Intrepid geeksugar snapped this over the weekend, and it just reinforces my resolve never to drive again.)

Someone's taking sun protection a little too far. The full-on face visor is fine if you're walking outdoors and don't mind people mistaking you for a robot, but while you're driving? With kids in the backseat? And other people on the road? And windows already so tinted it's a wonder this picture came out at all? Don't do it, people! (Intrepid geeksugar snapped this over the weekend, and it just reinforces my resolve never to drive again.)