Brown Majik

Behold Squeakers (my nickname for her), the mini-mew who will break your heart. As you can see, she's smaller than a $20 bill, but priceless when it comes down to it. You want the cute? You can't handle the cute!

• Anderson Cooper: please be my boo!
• Spelling Bee kid is hilarious.
• News reporter rethinking the whole "live reporting" thing.
• The brides (and grooms, and priests) are falling!
• Batman sings G'n'R's "Patience." Oh, was that what that was?!
• Little girl questions fairytale endings. That a girl!
• Carry on, you crazy dancer!
• Foul-mouthed chihuahua scarier than he looks.

We've all heard Carmina Burana's "O Fortuna" at some point or another, but have we sat down and really listened to the lyrics? I never knew the song was so food-oriented. From tuna to cheese, chips, chili, cherries, and berries — it's all in there. And who knew cookies spread STDs? The PSA peeps have been slacking. Clearly.

It started out innocently enough: Joey and Ross fell asleep on the couch one afternoon and when the two woke up, they happened to be sleeping on top of each other. Nothing technically happened, and they vowed to never tell a soul or mention the sitch ever again, so it was no biggie. Until Joey couldn't take the repression anymore and blurted, "That was the best nap I ever had!" It all went downhill (get your mind out of the gutter) from there . . .

Oh, emos. They seem to really enjoy sighing, crying, and joylessness. This should give them even more reason to be morose. The made-for-television DVD set Now That's What I Call Emo features "the unhippest vloggers of all time, whining about sh*t no one cares about." Sample plaint? "Nobody likes me . . . it kinda turns me on." What's even better? It's available in Sony Betamax for hipsters!