A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, ‘So, you finish?’
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, ‘No.’
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, ‘You finish?’
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, ‘No.’ Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, ‘You finish?’ Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, ‘No, I Norwegian.’
A motorcycle officer stops a man for running a red light. The guy is a real
jerk and comes running back to the motor officer and demands to know why he is
being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red
light violation. The ‘Motorist’ instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the
officer’s ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms. The
officer, being a professional, takes it all in stride, figuring ‘battleship
mouth and rowboat ass’.
The tirade goes on without the cop saying anything. When he gets done with
writing the citation he puts an ‘AH’ in the lower right corner of the narrative
portion of the citation. He then hands it to the ‘Violator’ for his signature.
The guy signs the citation angrily, tearing the paper, and w hen presented his
copy points to the ‘AH’ and demands to know what it stands for. The officer
then removes his mirrored sunglasses, gets in the middle of the guy’s face and said, ‘That’s so when
we go to court, I’ll remember you’re an Ass Hole!’
Three months later they are in court. The ‘Violator’ has such a bad record
he is about to lose his license and has hired an attorney to represent him. On
the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light. Under
cross-examination, the defense attorney asks, ‘Officer, is this a reasonable
facsimile of the citation you issued my client?’ Officer responds, ‘Yes sir,
this is the defendant’s copy, his signature and mine, the same number at the
top.’
Attorney: ‘Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this
citation you don’t normall y make?’
Officer: ‘Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an
‘AH’, underlined.’
Attorney: ‘What does the AH stand for, officer?’
Officer: ‘Aggressive and Hostile, Sir.’
Attorney: ‘Aggressive and hostile?’
Officer: ‘Yes, Sir.’
Attorney: ‘Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for Ass Hole?’
Officer: ‘Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!’
Back in the '90s, Sir Mix-a-Lot sang the praises of ladies with big butts and "rump 'o smooth skin." His message countered the prevailing notions of beauty — hallelujah! — but his overtly sexual lyrics sang a tune of objectification. Now enter Mika. He's the British heartthrob who released a catchy anthem last year to celebrate the beauty of big women. He's not only complimentary, but respectful and adorable. It takes a big man to pull all this off. Love him!
Many of us compare ourselves to the models and celebs we see in advertisements. Big mistake! Photoshop is alive and well in the world and — with a little added color or toning or erasing — it makes everyone look new and improved. Sneaky, sneaky. But the tool has a way of revealing itself from time to time, if we just look close enough . . . (For more Photoshop gaffes, click here.)
Source and Source
The dude below used his noggin to smash open 40 large watermelons in 60 seconds. All latent concussions and brain damage aside, this feat earned him one of them Guinness Whoop-Dee-Doo World Records. He accomplished his win while also maintaining the sturdiest of popped collars — which kinda makes me wonder if a hardened wall of hair gel gave the douche any sort of upper hand.
And out of the primordial ooze similarly-colored carpet crawled Taffy, the 4-week-old Himalayan cutie, who doesn't yet quite have the whole motor skills thing down yet. (All the better to trap her and tickle her!) You can't really blame the woman playing around with her for mega-babytalking. Around cuteness like this, it's an inevitable side effect.
Thanks, Cute Overload!
I think this baby is an adherent of the Lee Strasberg school of "method acting." Just reach deep inside and give 'em what you know, which in this case is "flail arms around" and "grunt." It works for me! I don't know what that director's problem is . . .
Hard to believe, but Stephen Colbert was the lead in a band back in the '80s. It was a time when love songs and power ballads dominated the airwaves and young Stephen had no problem playing the part of a hard-core rocker stalker. (He had a problem obeying that pesky restraining order, but a "special hidden message" had to be delivered to a "special hidden lady." It just had to.) But those days are long gone and, thankfully, his heavy eyeliner and tight-ass jeans are too.
I'd normally call a full-body lizard tattoo a bad idea, but in this instance, I greatly appreciate the distraction.
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I guess teleprompters don't always include commas and periods when they should, so news anchors just read what they see. I bet Dana, who had the night off, was none too pleased to hear the fate that befell him thanks to anchor Ken Bastida's run-on sentence. You can't trust anyone anymore. . .
As an avowed anti-fart joke kinda gal, I swear I'm not looking for this stuff on my own. But if you send it, I will post. This product, the Subtle Butt disposable gas neutralizer, might be a great gift for that pal who eats super-burritos for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You'd be doing humanity a favor, really.
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We're having way too much fun with a morph-machine on the good ship GiggleSugar. We decided to mate a celebrity with an animal. Hint: someone's been caught stealing bamboo shoots. Can you guess who the celeb is?
Turn the other cheek? Hell no. In this family, it's an eye for an eye. If big sis shoves something in his mouth, he'll shove something in her face. They say revenge is sweet, but methinks the taste of her "leftovers" and the touch of his "gratitude" are anything but sweet. Can we get some parental intervention (and restraining orders) up in here?
Man's best friend? More like man's best doormat. We all know that bachelors use their dogs as ploys to pick up chicks in the park, but dudes also get dogs to help around the house. So when a dog's not out on the town hunting down a prospective honey, he's indoors doing what would be her dirty work. Wag, wag, wag, wag, wag.
