Brown Majik

"Va-rice-ity" is the spice of life. And if rice is too plain healthy, then why not dress it up with — oh, a little bacon, sour cream, or shredded cheddar cheese? I'm sure your man will love that.

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I know not everyone's a good speller, but don't you have to have minimal skills before you go on Wheel of Fortune? Sigh.

Yeah, yeah. I know that you can get tattoos removed, but how embarrassing would it be to know that you went through all that pain only to have your message to the world essentially read: "I'm a dumbass." Sad! Source

This satirical news story is probably closer to the truth than we'd like to think. Turns out that Domino's Pizza is really just one grand experiment to test the limits of what humans will eat. The findings? Short of garbage on a cardboard crust (and probably that, too!) — anything. They'll eat just anything. I must admit it. I, too, am a "cheese and sauce consuming beast." (Hangs head in shame.)

I've gotta give this guy props — he knows how to get a job done with style. If you haven't felt the ass-slap of a good woman in a long time (and you want to), what are you going to do? Pine away like a loser? Harass chicks on the street like Dimitri the Lover? Or, claim that because it's Canada Day and you made a bet with your friend, you need a slap on the butt from a nice-looking woman? I think you know the answer.

"No funny business next time, or the wet towels are gonna get it, see?!" (Spoken in Bugsy Siegel voice.)

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And by "reworking," I mean the elimination of all attempts at narrative, acting, or any pretense that this "professor meets Hungarian immigrant" porn is about anything but meaningless, grim sex. I say, less bad acting, more shtupping!

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Oh, man. You can wear your heart on your sleeve, or, in this case, your brain on your back.

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Does this look familiar? It should. Even though it came out in the '80s, everything in this video — from the haircut, to the black horizontal stripes on her shirt, to the music — is being copied and paraded around as we speak. (And does anyone have any idea what this song is about, exactly? Besides the "kids in America" part?) Anyway, I can sit here and be snarky, but my punishment is that I won't get this song out of my head for the rest of the day. ("Da, da, da, dadadada/Da, da, da dadada — Hey!")

It's obvious, and yet it's not.